Family and the Individual
I married, by most standards, at a young age (twenty) and had my first child a year later. I have now been married for seven years and have three awesome kids and am very much in love my husband. I married, not having a college education or any great career. Truth be told, I didn't know what I wanted to be when I grew up, aside from a wife and mother. Therefore, I didn't mind putting those things on the back burner. I always felt that raising a family was the best thing I could ever do or accomplish. I still feel that way. However, I have grown ambitious and have since, discovered interests outside of those callings; for which I am grateful and excited about. The rub is in balancing the two - balancing the life I have chosen, with my new aspirations. How can I be a wife and mother as well as an individual with personal goals and dreams? How do I pursue and succeed in both? It's easy to have your focus on one thing and be truly successful in it, it's another to have yourself divided in accomplishing multiple things and doing them all well. It seems that no matter what I do or how I do it, something always falls short and I let someone down (mostly myself).
Selfish Deceit
Satan would have me believe that my husband and children are keeping me from my true potential; that I could progress so much more quickly - get my degree, write those books, etc., if I put them aside. He whispers that I would be much better off if I shirked my family responsibilities a little more, to allow more time for my own personal fulfillment. "I have certainly put in my time, sacrificed a lot, it's only fair that I focus on me a bit, isn't it? Why should I have to give up everything I want?" I can't tell you how often those thoughts disrupt and confuse me. I want to achieve my goals. But I know that these thoughts are nothing more than selfish deceit. My family is more important. Being a mother is fulfilling, strengthening, and creates growth - but those things come as a bi-product of building up and strengthening others - not from focusing on myself. Perhaps that is how it should be.
Doing it All
I am learning that there is hope to do it all, and do it well. It's just going to take some time. I am know that while I can't get my degree within the normal four year period, be the perfect wife or mother, or submit a manuscript for publication anytime soon, I can make a daily effort to do well in those areas. I can't take a full load of classes to finish my degree in a short time, but I can take two per term and still have time for my other callings. I can't take my kids to the zoo everyday, or execute some clever craft, but I can read to them, help them with school, and build forts with them. I can't write a great manuscript today, but I can write notes to outline it. Some would tell me to cut out that which is unnecessary - saying that, "you can't do it all." This is true. I can't do it all - in a big way, but I can do it all in small ways. I can do the things that are most meaningful to me in little bits and be happy that I am slowly building something greater. I won't have my degree in four years, raise my children over night, or publish a novel tomorrow (or ever) - but I can take small steps to get closer to fulfilling those things.
The Greatest is the Least
I believe that the greatest growth doesn't come when we are trying to build up ourselves, but when we're building up those around us; managing our own aspirations in the background. Truthfully, I think it's a lot harder this way. It's hard to sacrifice, to balance, to be vigilant day in and out in doing the small things so that the greater things come to fruition. It's hard to be focused on multiple things, rather than just one. It's also hard to accept that I can't do it on my own. I know that the only way for me to be truly successful in this life is to listen, seek, and accept the Lord's guidance in these things. I have to constantly remind myself to be humble and ask for help. I know that I get off track everyday, and that in order to have a hope of being on course - I have to seek his guidance. I may never succeed at all these things, but I do know that if I do it the Lord's way, I will find the path he has intended for me, and that my accomplishments will be greater than what my feeble mind may have ever considered.
Written By: Marzee Dyer
27 years of age, Marzee has never been much farther than the green puddles of the Northwest (Oregon & Washington, USA). She has been happily married to Jon for seven years, is a stay at home mother of three, college student, and youth mentor. She is the founder of WomenAfire. Hobbies: Singing at church, dancing with her kids, hangin' with her husband, fitness, teaching, reading (Stephenie Meyer) & writing.
