Workaholics: Mothers & Forgotten Families (Part 2 of 2)

It’s easy to point the finger at the guy or gal who is working overtime – pushing the limits to provide for life’s comforts – and occasionally, its luxuries. It’s easy to say that their family is suffering because they aren’t putting first things first. What about us mothers? Is it possible that we’re neglecting to fulfill our roles appropriately because we’re putting too much on ourselves? Are we getting overloaded with unnecessary distractions and forgetting to put emphasis and attention on what’s truly important?

I know it’s easy to get caught up in the little things, household chores, errands, helping someone with this project, getting the kids to this activity or that sport, etc. What I think many of us are forgetting is to breathe, relax, and just be with our families. To not rush through it all, but enjoy and roll in the togetherness and the time that we’ve been given. We need more family togetherness, more teaching moments, more play, and less of those things that pull us away from each other. I love what Rachel Keller said, “All I can say is simplify, simplify, simplify, easier said than done but we are so much happier when we are living the simple life, not keeping up with everyone else when it comes to what we have and what we do.”

We don’t have to do it all, and it is often the case, that we’re much happier when we don’t. It seems to me that it’s better to just do the basics well. What are the basics? I believe that they are individual to each family – but somewhere in there you may find:

1. Teaching & practicing with your children the things that matter. God, Strong Morals & Ethics, How to love & serve, Responsible living, etc.
2. Family Time. Eating meals together, having activities together, learning together, REGULARLY – DAILY.
3. Providing the essentials and I do mean the essentials – Secure home, clothing, good education, healthcare, basic resources for successful/healthy living.
   
   

Another aspect of this that jumps out at me is our children. What are we teaching them by running around crazy with our crazy schedules? Are we allowing our kids to become workaholics themselves, taking on too many extracurricular activities? Are we teaching by example that doing "everything" is more important than taking time for each other? Or are we teaching them that family comes first?

The other stuff – is just extra. We have to ask ourselves – are we focusing on and fulfilling the things that are most important, or are we being overburdened and distracted by the extra? The other effect from having too much of the extra is that with the extra comes more responsibility for the parent – it increases cost & sacrifices time. Often, the thing that we as women and mothers sacrifice is ourselves, our special time. Somewhere in all of the busyness of life, we need to remember to journal, go on a date, say a personal prayer, read the scriptures, exercise a talent, and set goals for further growth. Now all we have to do is figure out how we can cut back some of the extra and magnify the simple, so that we may find a little extra peace and a lot more family togetherness.

Discussion: What things help you to evaluate where to cut back?

Workaholics: Part 1

Written By: Marzee Dyer
Photo By: Andrew Scott

27 years of age, Marzee has never been much farther than the green puddles of the Northwest (Oregon & Washington, USA). She has been happily married to Jon for seven years, is a stay at home mother of three, college student, and youth mentor. She is the founder of WomenAfire. Hobbies: Singing at church, dancing with her kids, hangin' with her husband, fitness, teaching, reading (Stephenie Meyer) & writing.

Journal Daze: Balancing Squat

September 28, 2008

Some days I feel tired, even when I haven’t had a tiring day. Today is one of those days. It’s funny, I wrote an article about balancing life – taking out unnecessary extras (yet to be published), and here I am barely balancing my extras. Of course, the extra of extras is the blog that I wrote the article for. If I was to cut something out, the blog would be the first thing. However, I hesitate because it has the promise of doing/being something great . . . at least to me, I hope to others as well. It’s crazy, when I first got the idea to start the site, I just wanted to find a way to inspire and help other women. I would lay awake for hours with ideas running through my head, writing articles, and such. And then, when it comes time to actually sit down and do something, I seem blank and on overload with other responsibilities – so much that my creative juices are sapped – until night comes.

I still lay awake for hours, thinking thoughts, and unscrambling the words that are tumbling about in my head. Yet, I’m too tired to get out of bed to write them down, and know that if I do muster the energy to do so – that I’ll regret it the next day when I’m supposed to be playing with my kids, studying, and living the normal life.

We talk about balancing life – putting the most important things first – and finding time for ourselves, but I have yet to figure out how to do it on a regular basis. I have my good days and my bad. My good days usually start and end with a prayer for help. I get some exercise, play with my kids, do a couple of basic chores, execute a meal, do some schoolwork, read scriptures, take a little me time, and plan for tomorrow. Those days actually do happen – but somehow – they don’t stay around for long. It seems we inevitably get thrown a curve ball just to see if we can catch it in time to plug it into our juggling act. Once we carry that one off – we’re thrown another. I don’t know that there’s really any true secret to balancing it all with success, except for maybe this: Do it the way the Lord would do it, conference with him about how to do it, and keep trying until you get it right or at least get through it.

That’s it for now,
Marzee Dyer (aka "BigZee")
Washington, USA

Journal Daze: Share a day in your life, an entry from your journal. Email your Journal Daze to Women Afire. Be sure to title your subject "Journal Daze: (Title of your entry)". Visit Submissions for more information.
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Question of the Week 9/28 - 10/4/08

What are the little miracles you've experienced today? This week? This month? This year?

9/28 - 10/4/08
JOIN THE DISCUSSION!

Photo By: Premasagar
Sea of Galilee (with family) where Jesus walked.

Jealousy: Deceitful Enemy Invader (Part 2 of 3)

In my own little instances, I find that my envy is often aimed at someone who outwardly no one might consider I should be jealous of. Still, they may share a passion or blessing that I have. Possibly they have a physical trait, financial blessings, or skill that I wish I had. This in turn causes me to feel extremely competitive, like I must appear to have and be better than this person in every possible way. Generally this person is either unaware of the jealousy aimed at them or worse, made uncomfortable by it.

Whatever the reason, the envy illness always causes us to see ourselves as less than we are. Jealousy is a very real way of lying to ourselves about who we are and who those around us are. It takes away from everything that is good and unique about us and leaves us discontent. Jealousy often causes us to belittle others in an effort to increase our own feelings of self worth. We tend to grasp at anything to prove our own superiority. This is not a picture of the person I, or I’m sure any of you, want to be. This person is a lie, a lie and a cheat to their own self. What more unfair thing could we do to ourselves? What better way to twist our own image of our value than to compare it to another’s and then try to come up with a thousand reasons that we are better than that one. When the truth is, we never needed to be better than the object of our jealousy. Being better is never the point.

Webster’s online dictionary describes jealousy as, “A feeling of jealous envy (especially of a rival).” Sadly, the ones we envy are often not true rivals at all or at least shouldn’t be. In fact, in many cases, this person might be someone who could uplift us and inspire us, a friend, a fellow woman struggling as we are through life, perhaps even someone who could use our praise and kindness or who could help us to become more aware of our own unique blessings – if we would only allow them to. Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, a prominent leader of the LDS (Mormon) faith, once spoke of envy in discussing the parable of the Prodigal Son. Do you all remember that Bible story? Do you remember that when the younger brother returned, after squandering his inheritance, the older brother was angry? He was jealous that everyone was excited about his brother’s return. He fell prey to the affects of envy that I discussed earlier. He lost sight of his own blessings, of who he really was, because he was angry about what he perceived to be an unfair gift to another. Elder Holland says, “Feeling unappreciated and perhaps more than a little self pity, this dutiful son – and he is wonderfully dutiful – forgets for a moment that he has never had to know filth or despair, fear or self-loathing. He forgets for a moment that every calf on the ranch is already his and so are all the robes in the closet and every ring in the drawer. He forgets for a moment that his faithfulness has been and always will be rewarded.” And then, my favorite part, “. . . this is not a rival returning. It is his brother.” So often, we as wives, mothers, or simply women, struggling with the demands of our individual lives, look on one another as rivals rather than sisters.

From time to time, we may come across the individual who is undeserving of their blessings -- unkind or ungrateful, perhaps even one who looks down on those less fortunate. Why should we allow jealousy room in our hearts in these instances? Here, more than ever, we ought to see this monster for what it is -- an enemy invader in our soul. An enemy who comes to thieve what is rightfully ours by telling us that if someone else has something good, or does something good, then the things we have, or the things we do are suddenly insignificant and worthless.

Written By: Nancy Harris
Photo By: Sean Dreilinger

Discussion: Have you ever felt this way, that often - you're jealous of someone who you should love, rather than envy? How do you love someone, whom you are prone to be jealous of, when they're arrogant in regards to their blessings?

Jealousy: Part 1, Part 3

If you have specific questions or comments for this author, please direct them to her in your comment(s).



Nancy Harris (31) resides in Utah with her husband, “favorite human,” of nine years and her four (soon to be five) children. She received a degree in Zoology from Weber State University in 2000, was born tenth in a family of eleven children, and loves to run (whether or not she’s being chased). Nancy is known for her light and charismatic writing style which, while unassuming and often humorous, gives thoughtful insight and perspective to life’s little challenges.

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