One of my favorite things about being a woman is being inspired and nurtured by other women. I love to hear about their triumphs, how they're growing, to hear their funny stories, and learn of those things that warm their hearts. A friend of mine has recently started a blog, and upon reading it today, couldn't help but be grateful (and humbled) for women who are noble as she, whose hearts swell with love, with minds fired in knowledge, and souls filled with wisdom. I entreat you to read her words, and am sure that you too will feel your heart burn with the truth and relation found therein. Enjoy!
Click Mona's Musings to go to her blog. Bookmark it, you won't regret it!
There are very few times when speaking to someone that I feel their interest in our conversation is truly sincere. Do you ever feel that way?How often it seems that they are only listening out of politeness, waiting patiently until we have finished our tale so that they may relate similarly or change the topic entirely to something that better features their experiences or interest.In contrast to that, it’s easy ourselves, to forget to feel and express sincerity.There are many of us that tire of listening to trivial tales or data about people’s day to day lives that seem to have no real meaning for us, or impact on life as a whole.We can all admit to our own eyes glazing over or our minds wandering in such instances.So, how do we overcome these flaws?How do we become truly sincere?How can we find interest or concern in the seemingly mundane?
Simple Sincerity Let’s take things down to a much simpler perspective, that of a child’s.Kids find concern in the smallest of things.For example, the other day my children stumbled upon a colony of ants.Upon looking at the ants, I explained that they were moving their eggs to a safer location (as my children had disturbed their nest).It wasn’t long afterward when I realized my kind hearted five year old daughter had retreated to her bedroom, where she was quietly sitting on her bed, crying.This was not an unusual occasion.My daughter is often crying over small worries.And so, rather than feeling her sorrow, I was slightly exasperated that she was crying . . . yet again.Still, I asked her why she was crying.It seemed that she had done an awful thing, and felt horrible about it.She had squished one of the ant eggs, killing a baby ant.She was worried about what the parents would think, how sad they would be, and so forth.Of course my heart softened towards her sweetness, but in the grand scheme of things one little ant egg did not seem very significant.I comforted her, and she was soon able to resume play.
This puts to mind a great sketch by a comedian on an episode of Last Comic Standing.I’ll paraphrase to my best ability (as I can’t seem to find the video on youtube):
“So, my kid and I were at the park the other day . . . . my kid, happy as can be, pulling a balloon behind him.It wasn’t long ‘til he got distracted and let his grip slip, losing hold of the string yelling, ‘My balloon! My balloon!Wah-ha-ha!’He continued crying hysterically for like ten minutes. Seriously, what’s the big deal?We can get another balloon.But then I thought . . . what if I had lost my balloon?Or something just as important say, my wallet?What if my wallet were to float off into the sky, never to return again?‘My wallet! My wallet! Wah-ha-ha!’”
Eternal Perspective That’s all we need, a little perspective.Let’s push our examples a little further.Let’s push it from child to father . . . in this case, eternal father.Whether or not you believe in God or a Supreme Being, stick with me here – because I think that giving latitude for such a concept will help to drive this point home.Given that God and Jesus Christ are seen as beings that understand all that we as mortals experience here on this earth, they understand our joys, sorrows, pains, and worries.They understand our perspectives intimately as they have experienced and suffered all that we have.Going from there, I’m sure with their eternal perspective that they also see the triviality in our worries, day to day interests and struggles.In the grand scheme of things – the things we over analyze, talk of, and worry about are minute.And yet, never in the biblical accounts of Jesus Christ’s ministry, is it written that he made light of the people’s concerns.
The Secret to Genuine Sincerity When the disciples were crying about their “lost balloons,” the Savior didn’t laugh, roll his eyes, or sigh in exasperation; he heard them with earnest sincerity – why?Because he had charity towards them, he loved them.The solution to sincerity is simple; we need to love one another with a pure heart!Stephen E. Robinson referred to this as the “Prime Directive,” referencing scripture:
“This is my commandment, That ye love one another, as I have loved you.Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends” (John 15:12-13)
Robinson continues, “This is not emotional fluff.This is not pie in the sky wishful thinking, or idealistic gas.Love is not some subsidiary principle that allows the weepy among us to go off on a crying jag. [. . .]It is not an option that may be ignored by those who would prefer not to clutter their lives with other peoples’ problems.” Stephen E. Robinson, Following Christ (Salt Lake City, Utah: Deseret Book Company, 1995) 136,137
We can’t ignore the importance of sincerity - finding love and compassion in our hearts for our neighbors – it’s a commandment, an eternal law, a source for peace and happiness in our lives.We need to have greater heart and a willingness to open our perspectives to understanding the lives of others.Sure, not everything that passes your ears is important or meaningful, but the person who is sharing it is.Even if you can’t find any interest in listening to another’s tales, you can find an interest in them – by loving them and remembering the value that they as a person, a child of God, hold.So, on behalf of Stephen E. Robinson, may I say, “Bring on the clutter, bring on the love!”
Discussion: Do you think sincerity is important in relationships, why? How can you tell when someone is being truly sincere?
27 years of age, Marzee has never been much farther than the green puddles of the Northwest (Oregon & Washington, USA). She has been happily married to Jon for seven years, is a stay at home mother of three, college student, and youth mentor. She is the founder of WomenAfire. Hobbies: Singing at church, dancing with her kids, hangin' with her husband, fitness, teaching, reading (Stephenie Meyer) & writing.
I spoke earlier of my jealousies manifesting themselves as a need to be better than another. In truth, we never need to be better than the object of our envy. We don’t have to have the same good things. We don’t have to have a straight “A” child, a perfectly romantic husband, clever sense of humor, perfect hair, beautiful singing voice, or a super good business sense just because another does. Life should never be about comparing. It should be about learning to appreciate and love the beauty and gifts around us. This must start by appreciating what is ours and who we truly are – which is exactly what we fail to do when envying another.
Harold Coffin (former humor columnist for The Associated Press) once said, “Envy is the art of counting the other fellows blessings instead of your own.” I firmly believe that gratitude is the surest antidote to jealousy. As you allow yourself to accept the goodness that is you. As you learn to love, appreciate and simply be aware of the quirks, gifts, and talents that are yours it becomes easier to be happy for others. For example, perhaps your spouse doesn’t bring you flowers like a friend’s does, but what if he tells you all his ridiculous dreams or makes sure the car is never low on gas. What if you can’t say or write anything as clever as a co-worker, but you give great advice. We shouldn’t allow jealousy to rob us of the things that make us wonderful.
While gratitude and appreciation for ourselves and what we have can help prevent jealousy, striving to develop appreciation and love for what is another’s is what truly fills us with joy and adds even more to who we already are. All of us have loved ones or friends whose talents, skills, good luck or even beauty give us nothing but happiness. It is the same emotion that parent’s have for their own children – not an ounce of jealousy, simply pure joy if their kids happen to be smarter, more successful, happier or more attractive than they themselves ever dreamt of being. Feeling that way towards another is the most amazing thing. It in no way detracts from who we ourselves are, it uplifts us. It makes life seem more beautiful and complete.
We, as women, live in a world where we are told there are many things we must be, have, and do to be enough, but most of us recognize that is a lie. We know that logically no one person can be everything, much less perfect at everything. Each of us will have our own varied experiences, trials and yes, blessings, but they will be our own, they will be the backdrop of our life and how we experience it. I challenge each of you to become aware of the lies jealousy or envy speaks to you at times. Don’t allow yourselves to be caught in that trap of comparing or assuming one person’s gifts detract from your own. Find ways to appreciate the things that are your own – make lists, ask those who love you (trust me, they will be more than happy to tell you of your talents). Let’s also work to feel joy for that which is another’s so that we may be uplifted by their experiences and gifts, while we uplift them with our own. That is what we women truly need from one another. And, if perhaps, we are feeling that we don’t have a whole lot to make ourselves special, we can remember the words of Francois Ducdela Rochefoucauld (noted French author of maxims and memoirs, 1613-1680) who said, “The truest mark of being born with great qualities is being born with out envy.” Certainly few of us can claim to be born without it, but we can strive to get rid of it, because being void of envy and full of appreciation for others is truly one of the most beautiful traits someone could ever possess.
Discussion: How are your relationships improved when you allow gratitude fill your heart for others’ talents and gifts rather than being envious of them?
If you have specific questions or comments for this author, please direct them to her in your comment(s).
Nancy Harris (31) resides in Utah with her husband, “favorite human,” of nine years and her four (soon to be five) children. She received a degree in Zoology from Weber State University in 2000, was born tenth in a family of eleven children, and loves to run (whether or not she’s being chased). Nancy is known for her light and charismatic writing style which, while unassuming and often humorous, gives thoughtful insight and perspective to life’s little challenges.
In my own little instances, I find that my envy is often aimed at someone who outwardly no one might consider I should be jealous of. Still, they may share a passion or blessing that I have. Possibly they have a physical trait, financial blessings, or skill that I wish I had. This in turn causes me to feel extremely competitive, like I must appear to have and be better than this person in every possible way. Generally this person is either unaware of the jealousy aimed at them or worse, made uncomfortable by it.
Whatever the reason, the envy illness always causes us to see ourselves as less than we are. Jealousy is a very real way of lying to ourselves about who we are and who those around us are. It takes away from everything that is good and unique about us and leaves us discontent. Jealousy often causes us to belittle others in an effort to increase our own feelings of self worth. We tend to grasp at anything to prove our own superiority. This is not a picture of the person I, or I’m sure any of you, want to be. This person is a lie, a lie and a cheat to their own self. What more unfair thing could we do to ourselves? What better way to twist our own image of our value than to compare it to another’s and then try to come up with a thousand reasons that we are better than that one. When the truth is, we never needed to be better than the object of our jealousy. Being better is never the point.
Webster’s online dictionary describes jealousy as, “A feeling of jealous envy (especially of a rival).” Sadly, the ones we envy are often not true rivals at all or at least shouldn’t be. In fact, in many cases, this person might be someone who could uplift us and inspire us, a friend, a fellow woman struggling as we are through life, perhaps even someone who could use our praise and kindness or who could help us to become more aware of our own unique blessings – if we would only allow them to. Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, a prominent leader of the LDS (Mormon) faith, once spoke of envy in discussing the parable of the Prodigal Son. Do you all remember that Bible story? Do you remember that when the younger brother returned, after squandering his inheritance, the older brother was angry? He was jealous that everyone was excited about his brother’s return. He fell prey to the affects of envy that I discussed earlier. He lost sight of his own blessings, of who he really was, because he was angry about what he perceived to be an unfair gift to another. Elder Holland says, “Feeling unappreciated and perhaps more than a little self pity, this dutiful son – and he is wonderfully dutiful – forgets for a moment that he has never had to know filth or despair, fear or self-loathing. He forgets for a moment that every calf on the ranch is already his and so are all the robes in the closet and every ring in the drawer. He forgets for a moment that his faithfulness has been and always will be rewarded.” And then, my favorite part, “. . . this is not a rival returning. It is his brother.” So often, we as wives, mothers, or simply women, struggling with the demands of our individual lives, look on one another as rivals rather than sisters.
From time to time, we may come across the individual who is undeserving of their blessings -- unkind or ungrateful, perhaps even one who looks down on those less fortunate. Why should we allow jealousy room in our hearts in these instances? Here, more than ever, we ought to see this monster for what it is -- an enemy invader in our soul. An enemy who comes to thieve what is rightfully ours by telling us that if someone else has something good, or does something good, then the things we have, or the things we do are suddenly insignificant and worthless.
Discussion: Have you ever felt this way, that often - you're jealous of someone who you should love, rather than envy? How do you love someone, whom you are prone to be jealous of, when they're arrogant in regards to their blessings?
If you have specific questions or comments for this author, please direct them to her in your comment(s).
Nancy Harris (31) resides in Utah with her husband, “favorite human,” of nine years and her four (soon to be five) children. She received a degree in Zoology from Weber State University in 2000, was born tenth in a family of eleven children, and loves to run (whether or not she’s being chased). Nancy is known for her light and charismatic writing style which, while unassuming and often humorous, gives thoughtful insight and perspective to life’s little challenges.
Let me tell you all a little something about jealousy; it is a bad thing. While I can’t claim to be an authority on the subject, I have, like most of you, had some experience with the green eyed monster. Fortunately I’ve also known a little of the opposite feeling. I am certain you all have as well. I am referring to the times when we have experienced true happiness for the success or good fortune of another, when we have wanted good things for someone even when we may not have those same good things for ourselves. Likely, I am no expert on this topic either, but having known both of these feelings with varied intensity throughout my lifetime, I have begun to see the extreme difference in the affect these emotions have on my own well being. With that said, I will proceed to share a few of the insights I have gained as I have become more aware of how degrading and harmful jealousies can be and how much true joy can be gained by striving to develop more love and charity for those we come into contact with.
It is difficult to always pinpoint an exact cause when our jealous nature rears its ugly little head. Occasionally it comes as a result of thinking that someone has been unfairly rewarded, that they do not deserve their good fortune, good looks, smart children, nice home or romantic husband. But, it is often aimed at someone who should not, for any obvious reason, excite such emotions in us. Perhaps it is because they have certain things we’ve always desired and don’t see as being within our grasp. Could it even be that they are similar enough to us that we envy them for having some of our own unique traits or blessings? Perhaps we don’t like sharing the things we feel make us unique. Maybe we worry that another has developed a shared talent further than we have.
In my own little instances, I find that my envy is often aimed at someone who outwardly no one might consider I should be jealous of. Still, they may share a passion or blessing that I have. Possibly they have a physical trait, financial blessings, or skill that I wish I had. This in turn causes me to feel extremely competitive, like I must appear to have and be better than this person in every possible way. Generally this person is either unaware of the jealousy aimed at them or worse, made uncomfortable by it.
Discussion: What is the cause of jealousy? Do you agree with Nancy that we can become jealous of those who possess like qualities that we feel make ourselves special, thus resenting that they’ve taken that uniqueness from us? Or that they’ve better developed a talent that you also have, making your abilities appear as less?
If you have specific questions or comments for this author, please direct them to her in your comment(s).
Nancy Harris (31) resides in Utah with her husband, “favorite human,” of nine years and her four (soon to be five) children. She received a degree in Zoology from Weber State University in 2000, was born tenth in a family of eleven children, and loves to run (whether or not she’s being chased). Nancy is known for her light and charismatic writing style which, while unassuming and often humorous, gives thoughtful insight and perspective to life’s little challenges.
I emailed my husband the following entry the other day, and his response was to start this blog. As he stated in his post, I've been rolling this blogsite through my mind for nearly a year now - but have continued to put it off for fear of doing it wrong. His email to me today (along with the link to this blog) said:
I read the journal entry. I sure do love you. I am glad you think about how you can better yourself, and that you see yourself accomplishing more. That is what keeps people motivated.
Start a blog today, and just post something, send the link to all of your friends. Worry about the details later.
Worry about making a difference today.
I sure love ya.
Jon
So below I am sharing with you the journal entry. It seems his creating this blog (though it isn't yet what I had imagined the site being) was his way of helping me to follow through in becoming and doing the things that I am dreaming of. Thank you babe! I love you too.
Tuesday January 17th, 2006
Last night I had a bit of a . . . . meltdown? More of a questioning of who I am - should be - or would have been. I often wonder - "What would I have done with my life had I not married so early?" Not that I'm regretting where I am - I'm not. Truthfully - I don't think I would have done or been much.
Who am I really?
(I reflected here about who I was before I married - and was unsure of who I would have become on my own - without having married Jon, who has brought out so many good things in me.)
I know that I am a great girl – person – with a lot of potential, but I haven’t really done much – and I hadn’t to that point.I don’t know that I would have become this amazing “catch” of a girl/woman.I don’t know that I would have pushed myself to be the person that I could.I think it’s laziness.I see it – I just don’t know how to get there – and it doesn’t ever cross my mind to fight my way there – it never has.I never had the drive and I don’t know that I do now.I know that I have talents and capabilities but I don’t know that I exercise or develop them well.If someone was to ask me – what one thing could I not live without doing, I don’t know what it would be.I really have no true hobbies or interests – outside of my family and church life.If I was to start school again today – I have no idea what I would choose for a major – what I would enjoy – what I would excel at or find purpose in.
I feel boring and almost stagnant in my personal growth.It’s not that I don’t try – I do.Something I lack is being able to organize and balance all the things that I need to be doing; cleaning, cooking, playing with the kids, social life, exercise, church responsibilities, time with my husband, having time for me, scripture study, education time with the kids, and so on. I try to balance all the things that I should be doing, but just when I think I’m doing okay – it all falls apart (and I’m actually a pretty organized person).Sometimes I walk in the kitchen and see a pile of dishes on the counter (we don’t have a dishwasher) and I feel like I’ve failed again – that I’m back to square one.I know that sounds ridiculous and that I’m probably being too hard on myself (and at times I am) – but I’m really getting tired of this constant yo-yo of success and failure.Why can’t I just hold it together?
I spoke with Jon about it last night and he said I’m being too hard on myself – and that I can’t be expected to do all of those things at once – perfectly – but that I have to perfect one thing at a time – and then build the next thing onto it.This is true and a good strategy, but how much time will it take?I don’t want it to take long (I’m impatient) – I feel like I’ve wasted so much time already.I do know one thing though – that being married to Jon gives me a confidence and strength that I wouldn’t have otherwise.I am lucky that I married him and that he married me.I was at such a naïve stage in my life when we married – I think that I could have easily ended up with someone who wouldn’t have been all that I needed or treated me even half as well as he does.The other thing that I have going for me is my faith – the spirit – lucky for me it lead us to one another.Without it, I wouldn’t have been smart enough to grab Jon.It also lead me to the thought last night that I need to fast for motivation and commitment to help me follow through.So, I think that I’ll do that this month – and try harder – at all things to become closer to the woman that I want to be.
I feel very blessed to have my spouse, family – and my children that give me so much purpose.I am grateful for the callings that I have in church and for the opportunity they afford me to grow in new ways.I look forward to going back to school one day – and hopefully by then, I’ll know what I want to study.I’ll check in later – to let you know how I’m doing – if I’m getting any better – if I’ve learned to fight my way there.
-Marzee
Question: Have you ever felt this way? Have you ever felt stagnant in your growth, or that you're far from becoming the woman that you want to be? What things are helping you to find that person?
My purpose in this site is to help inspire women (and myself along the way) - with tips, stories, and insights that can help with personal growth. I know that I can't do that alone (my "tip" jar is far from overflowing) - so in the next few months, I hope to create a site where you can join me by submitting your pearls of wisdom and life experiences to inspire others. For now, you'll have to do it through the comments section.
Today's Inspiration: Surround yourself with people who will bring out the best in you; teach you, lift you, challenge you to be greater! Take the time TODAY to thank them!
Women sharing their pearls of wisdom to motivate, enlighten, and lift one another.
Founded by Marzee Dyer -
Just another woman, trying to keep the fire burning.
"My purpose in this site is to help inspire women (and myself along the way) - with tips, stories, and insights that can help with personal growth. I know that I can't do that alone[. . .] join us by submitting your pearls of wisdom and life experiences to inspire others." -Marzee Dyer, The Journal Entry that Moved my Husband
One of my favorite things about being a woman is being inspired and nurtured by other women. I love to hear about their triumphs, how they're growing, to hear their funny stories, and learn of those things that warm their hearts. A friend of mine has recently started a blog, and upon reading it today, couldn't help but be grateful (and humbled) for women who are noble as she, whose hearts swell with love, with minds fired in knowledge, and souls filled with wisdom. I entreat you to read her words, and am sure that you too will feel your heart burn with the truth and relation found therein. Enjoy!
