In my own little instances, I find that my envy is often aimed at someone who outwardly no one might consider I should be jealous of. Still, they may share a passion or blessing that I have. Possibly they have a physical trait, financial blessings, or skill that I wish I had. This in turn causes me to feel extremely competitive, like I must appear to have and be better than this person in every possible way. Generally this person is either unaware of the jealousy aimed at them or worse, made uncomfortable by it.
Whatever the reason, the envy illness always causes us to see ourselves as less than we are. Jealousy is a very real way of lying to ourselves about who we are and who those around us are. It takes away from everything that is good and unique about us and leaves us discontent. Jealousy often causes us to belittle others in an effort to increase our own feelings of self worth. We tend to grasp at anything to prove our own superiority. This is not a picture of the person I, or I’m sure any of you, want to be. This person is a lie, a lie and a cheat to their own self. What more unfair thing could we do to ourselves? What better way to twist our own image of our value than to compare it to another’s and then try to come up with a thousand reasons that we are better than that one. When the truth is, we never needed to be better than the object of our jealousy. Being better is never the point.
Webster’s online dictionary describes jealousy as, “A feeling of jealous envy (especially of a rival).” Sadly, the ones we envy are often not true rivals at all or at least shouldn’t be. In fact, in many cases, this person might be someone who could uplift us and inspire us, a friend, a fellow woman struggling as we are through life, perhaps even someone who could use our praise and kindness or who could help us to become more aware of our own unique blessings – if we would only allow them to. Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, a prominent leader of the LDS (Mormon) faith, once spoke of envy in discussing the parable of the Prodigal Son. Do you all remember that Bible story? Do you remember that when the younger brother returned, after squandering his inheritance, the older brother was angry? He was jealous that everyone was excited about his brother’s return. He fell prey to the affects of envy that I discussed earlier. He lost sight of his own blessings, of who he really was, because he was angry about what he perceived to be an unfair gift to another. Elder Holland says, “Feeling unappreciated and perhaps more than a little self pity, this dutiful son – and he is wonderfully dutiful – forgets for a moment that he has never had to know filth or despair, fear or self-loathing. He forgets for a moment that every calf on the ranch is already his and so are all the robes in the closet and every ring in the drawer. He forgets for a moment that his faithfulness has been and always will be rewarded.” And then, my favorite part, “. . . this is not a rival returning. It is his brother.” So often, we as wives, mothers, or simply women, struggling with the demands of our individual lives, look on one another as rivals rather than sisters.
From time to time, we may come across the individual who is undeserving of their blessings -- unkind or ungrateful, perhaps even one who looks down on those less fortunate. Why should we allow jealousy room in our hearts in these instances? Here, more than ever, we ought to see this monster for what it is -- an enemy invader in our soul. An enemy who comes to thieve what is rightfully ours by telling us that if someone else has something good, or does something good, then the things we have, or the things we do are suddenly insignificant and worthless.
Written By: Nancy Harris
Photo By: Sean Dreilinger
Discussion: Have you ever felt this way, that often - you're jealous of someone who you should love, rather than envy? How do you love someone, whom you are prone to be jealous of, when they're arrogant in regards to their blessings?
Jealousy: Part 1, Part 3
If you have specific questions or comments for this author, please direct them to her in your comment(s).
Nancy Harris (31) resides in Utah with her husband, “favorite human,” of nine years and her four (soon to be five) children. She received a degree in Zoology from Weber State University in 2000, was born tenth in a family of eleven children, and loves to run (whether or not she’s being chased). Nancy is known for her light and charismatic writing style which, while unassuming and often humorous, gives thoughtful insight and perspective to life’s little challenges.
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