Invisible Mother

It's so easy to feel invisible as a mother. You work hard, quickly, and often silently. You're raising beautiful children, but few see the effort that goes into it . . . . as much of it happens behind closed doors. My mother in law once said to me that, "Motherhood is a thankless job." And it too often is.

While they are often thankless, your works will affect generations. . . . even if they aren't seen or recognized as "your works". You may not always get the recognition, respect, or gratitude that you deserve, but your efforts are worth more than any of those - and the rewards of your sacrifice and labors will be eternal. Keep building the great things that you are, even if you're doing it without being noticed.

President David O. McKay (1873–1970): “[The] ability and willingness properly to rear children, the gift to love, and eagerness … to express it in soul development, make motherhood the noblest office or calling in the world. She who can paint a masterpiece or write a book that will influence millions deserves the admiration and the plaudits of mankind; but she who rears successfully a family of healthy, beautiful sons and daughters, whose influence will be felt through generations to come, … deserves the highest honor that man can give, and the choicest blessings of God” (Gospel Ideals [1954], 453–54).

You are creating something far greater than a masterpiece! Thank you, thank you - for making tomorrow's tomorrows bigger and brighter. Your children do and will shine - just as their beautiful and inspiring mother!

Enjoy the video:

Workaholics: Mothers & Forgotten Families (Part 2 of 2)

It’s easy to point the finger at the guy or gal who is working overtime – pushing the limits to provide for life’s comforts – and occasionally, its luxuries. It’s easy to say that their family is suffering because they aren’t putting first things first. What about us mothers? Is it possible that we’re neglecting to fulfill our roles appropriately because we’re putting too much on ourselves? Are we getting overloaded with unnecessary distractions and forgetting to put emphasis and attention on what’s truly important?

I know it’s easy to get caught up in the little things, household chores, errands, helping someone with this project, getting the kids to this activity or that sport, etc. What I think many of us are forgetting is to breathe, relax, and just be with our families. To not rush through it all, but enjoy and roll in the togetherness and the time that we’ve been given. We need more family togetherness, more teaching moments, more play, and less of those things that pull us away from each other. I love what Rachel Keller said, “All I can say is simplify, simplify, simplify, easier said than done but we are so much happier when we are living the simple life, not keeping up with everyone else when it comes to what we have and what we do.”

We don’t have to do it all, and it is often the case, that we’re much happier when we don’t. It seems to me that it’s better to just do the basics well. What are the basics? I believe that they are individual to each family – but somewhere in there you may find:

1. Teaching & practicing with your children the things that matter. God, Strong Morals & Ethics, How to love & serve, Responsible living, etc.
2. Family Time. Eating meals together, having activities together, learning together, REGULARLY – DAILY.
3. Providing the essentials and I do mean the essentials – Secure home, clothing, good education, healthcare, basic resources for successful/healthy living.
   
   

Another aspect of this that jumps out at me is our children. What are we teaching them by running around crazy with our crazy schedules? Are we allowing our kids to become workaholics themselves, taking on too many extracurricular activities? Are we teaching by example that doing "everything" is more important than taking time for each other? Or are we teaching them that family comes first?

The other stuff – is just extra. We have to ask ourselves – are we focusing on and fulfilling the things that are most important, or are we being overburdened and distracted by the extra? The other effect from having too much of the extra is that with the extra comes more responsibility for the parent – it increases cost & sacrifices time. Often, the thing that we as women and mothers sacrifice is ourselves, our special time. Somewhere in all of the busyness of life, we need to remember to journal, go on a date, say a personal prayer, read the scriptures, exercise a talent, and set goals for further growth. Now all we have to do is figure out how we can cut back some of the extra and magnify the simple, so that we may find a little extra peace and a lot more family togetherness.

Discussion: What things help you to evaluate where to cut back?

Workaholics: Part 1

Written By: Marzee Dyer
Photo By: Andrew Scott

27 years of age, Marzee has never been much farther than the green puddles of the Northwest (Oregon & Washington, USA). She has been happily married to Jon for seven years, is a stay at home mother of three, college student, and youth mentor. She is the founder of WomenAfire. Hobbies: Singing at church, dancing with her kids, hangin' with her husband, fitness, teaching, reading (Stephenie Meyer) & writing.

Journal Daze: Balancing Squat

September 28, 2008

Some days I feel tired, even when I haven’t had a tiring day. Today is one of those days. It’s funny, I wrote an article about balancing life – taking out unnecessary extras (yet to be published), and here I am barely balancing my extras. Of course, the extra of extras is the blog that I wrote the article for. If I was to cut something out, the blog would be the first thing. However, I hesitate because it has the promise of doing/being something great . . . at least to me, I hope to others as well. It’s crazy, when I first got the idea to start the site, I just wanted to find a way to inspire and help other women. I would lay awake for hours with ideas running through my head, writing articles, and such. And then, when it comes time to actually sit down and do something, I seem blank and on overload with other responsibilities – so much that my creative juices are sapped – until night comes.

I still lay awake for hours, thinking thoughts, and unscrambling the words that are tumbling about in my head. Yet, I’m too tired to get out of bed to write them down, and know that if I do muster the energy to do so – that I’ll regret it the next day when I’m supposed to be playing with my kids, studying, and living the normal life.

We talk about balancing life – putting the most important things first – and finding time for ourselves, but I have yet to figure out how to do it on a regular basis. I have my good days and my bad. My good days usually start and end with a prayer for help. I get some exercise, play with my kids, do a couple of basic chores, execute a meal, do some schoolwork, read scriptures, take a little me time, and plan for tomorrow. Those days actually do happen – but somehow – they don’t stay around for long. It seems we inevitably get thrown a curve ball just to see if we can catch it in time to plug it into our juggling act. Once we carry that one off – we’re thrown another. I don’t know that there’s really any true secret to balancing it all with success, except for maybe this: Do it the way the Lord would do it, conference with him about how to do it, and keep trying until you get it right or at least get through it.

That’s it for now,
Marzee Dyer (aka "BigZee")
Washington, USA

Journal Daze: Share a day in your life, an entry from your journal. Email your Journal Daze to Women Afire. Be sure to title your subject "Journal Daze: (Title of your entry)". Visit Submissions for more information.
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Workaholics: Doomed to failure? (Part 1 of 2)

Today one may easily argue that the symptomatic “Workaholic” is created by imbalances in our society, rather than choice for greater luxury. It used to be that Workaholics were defined as people who willingly chose to neglect family and other responsibilities in order to provide themselves with excessive work so that they may increase their income, affording greater luxuries in life. Is the position of the workaholic still a matter of choice, or has it now become a product of a weakened economy?

While wages have not necessarily decreased, the value of them has with the decreasing value of the dollar (national debt), while the cost of living and taxation continue to rise with inflation. It seems increasing that men and women are working more jobs and seeking out greater training to simply make ends meet. No longer are men and women able to come out of college a baccalaureate and provide a decent income to support a growing family. One now needs not only a master’s degree but a minimum of five years experience to be readily considered for a job that makes more than $40K a year.

In order to compensate, providers are now working multiple jobs while increasing their education and training in their “spare” time. All this is done in hopes of securing a future career that pays enough to sustain growing needs, without logging away excessive hours. So as one can see, it is easily conceived that a provider of a small growing family may work over 40 hrs. a week while attending school part or full time. Additionally, we're seeing a decrease in parents being at home with their children, as they are often both working to afford the comforts they desire. Those families employing both parents seem to be losing out with the hours drawn away from each other and their children. It would seem that Workaholics are doomed to failure as their hard work is not only sacrificing family and other important aspects of life, but is no longer affording excessive luxuries, instead only simple needs and comforts.

How do we cope with these challenges while still affording time for the other good and arguably more important things in life; family, church, fitness, play, etc.? How do we balance providing for our way of life while successfully enjoying the living part?

Workaholics: Part 2

Written By: Marzee Dyer
Photo By: Salon de Maria

27 years of age, Marzee has never been much farther than the green puddles of the Northwest (Oregon & Washington, USA). She has been happily married to Jon for seven years, is a stay at home mother of three, college student, and youth mentor. She is the founder of WomenAfire. Hobbies: Singing at church, dancing with her kids, hangin' with her husband, fitness, teaching, reading (Stephenie Meyer) & writing.