Jealousy: Its Antidote and Cure (Part 3 of 3)

I spoke earlier of my jealousies manifesting themselves as a need to be better than another. In truth, we never need to be better than the object of our envy. We don’t have to have the same good things. We don’t have to have a straight “A” child, a perfectly romantic husband, clever sense of humor, perfect hair, beautiful singing voice, or a super good business sense just because another does. Life should never be about comparing. It should be about learning to appreciate and love the beauty and gifts around us. This must start by appreciating what is ours and who we truly are – which is exactly what we fail to do when envying another.

Harold Coffin (former humor columnist for The Associated Press) once said, “Envy is the art of counting the other fellows blessings instead of your own.” I firmly believe that gratitude is the surest antidote to jealousy. As you allow yourself to accept the goodness that is you. As you learn to love, appreciate and simply be aware of the quirks, gifts, and talents that are yours it becomes easier to be happy for others. For example, perhaps your spouse doesn’t bring you flowers like a friend’s does, but what if he tells you all his ridiculous dreams or makes sure the car is never low on gas. What if you can’t say or write anything as clever as a co-worker, but you give great advice. We shouldn’t allow jealousy to rob us of the things that make us wonderful.

While gratitude and appreciation for ourselves and what we have can help prevent jealousy, striving to develop appreciation and love for what is another’s is what truly fills us with joy and adds even more to who we already are. All of us have loved ones or friends whose talents, skills, good luck or even beauty give us nothing but happiness. It is the same emotion that parent’s have for their own children – not an ounce of jealousy, simply pure joy if their kids happen to be smarter, more successful, happier or more attractive than they themselves ever dreamt of being. Feeling that way towards another is the most amazing thing. It in no way detracts from who we ourselves are, it uplifts us. It makes life seem more beautiful and complete.

We, as women, live in a world where we are told there are many things we must be, have, and do to be enough, but most of us recognize that is a lie. We know that logically no one person can be everything, much less perfect at everything. Each of us will have our own varied experiences, trials and yes, blessings, but they will be our own, they will be the backdrop of our life and how we experience it. I challenge each of you to become aware of the lies jealousy or envy speaks to you at times. Don’t allow yourselves to be caught in that trap of comparing or assuming one person’s gifts detract from your own. Find ways to appreciate the things that are your own – make lists, ask those who love you (trust me, they will be more than happy to tell you of your talents). Let’s also work to feel joy for that which is another’s so that we may be uplifted by their experiences and gifts, while we uplift them with our own. That is what we women truly need from one another. And, if perhaps, we are feeling that we don’t have a whole lot to make ourselves special, we can remember the words of Francois Ducdela Rochefoucauld (noted French author of maxims and memoirs, 1613-1680) who said, “The truest mark of being born with great qualities is being born with out envy.” Certainly few of us can claim to be born without it, but we can strive to get rid of it, because being void of envy and full of appreciation for others is truly one of the most beautiful traits someone could ever possess.

Written By: Nancy Harris

Photo By: Phillippe Leroyer

Discussion: How are your relationships improved when you allow gratitude fill your heart for others’ talents and gifts rather than being envious of them?

Jealousy: Part 1, Part 2

If you have specific questions or comments for this author, please direct them to her in your comment(s).

Nancy Harris (31) resides in Utah with her husband, “favorite human,” of nine years and her four (soon to be five) children. She received a degree in Zoology from Weber State University in 2000, was born tenth in a family of eleven children, and loves to run (whether or not she’s being chased). Nancy is known for her light and charismatic writing style which, while unassuming and often humorous, gives thoughtful insight and perspective to life’s little challenges.